...discovering ourselves, and finding who we are...

title= Tall Ships lyric.

Well, our last show for like 6 months was last night. Maybe i should be more sad than i am...maybe not. I feel like i'm ready to do something else now. I can take a step back and relax for the next 3 weeks or so...kind of. I killed the Dinosaurs will be playing the reunion show August 1st, and then our last show EVER the 2nd. Kind of funny, but im happy to be done with that too. Not because i dont like everyone in the band...they're great dudes, and im glad ive had the chance to play with them...happy to be done because its like doing calculus everytime we play. Everything has to be exactly right, or its all wrong. So, i can concentrate on that for the next 2 weeks, kick out those shows, and fly away, then, sail away.

Anyways, the show last night as fun. We couldnt have played with better bands, or had better friends there to see it. So it was worth it. I had to explain to like 30 people why we were'nt going to be playing for a while, but thats to be expected, i guess. On the drive home, Colin slept most of the time, but me and dave had some good conversations.
I've been asking myself for a while now how long this will be going (for me, personally). Playing in a band, taking breaks, coming back to it, and doing just the same things, you know. I feel like as i'm getting older (just turned 23) that my time of playing in bands here is coming to an end. Sometimes i just don't want to deal with it, and ive always kind of been like that, you know...sometimes im just like "ehh whatever..." but latley, its been a strong feeling in me. I'll never stop going to shows, and supporting good bands/local music, but i have to think ahead.
Me and jessica have talked about what will happen when i graduate, and all i said was, "i dont really want to live in Traverse City...i want to get away". Not because i dont think this place is beautiful or that i dont like the people here...Its a fear that i will be doing the same things, hanging out at the same hall shows, watching crappy metal bands, and just being that old guy at the shows complaining about shit. Thats not me. I hope she understands that. I worry about that sometimes too. I want to get away and, of course, remember these times in my life, because they have shaped the way i am today, and keep in touch with my friends here, because i couldnt ask for better friends (i've learned a ton from the people i hang with), but i want to start the next chapter in my life; growing up, getting a real job, moving away with jessica, and just being cool. Step away and take a back seat to the scene, and not worry about being the driver.
So the entire ride home consisted of talks like that. It was good. I'm getting anxious to get out of here. I'll miss jessica, my family and friends, but i'm getting restless i think. I want something new and exciting, and dangerous, and to just do something that not a lot of people do...ever. I want that nervous feeling of not knowing anyone, but having to earn respect from the ground up, meeting new people, seeing new places and exploring those place, as well as exploring inside my own head. When i was out last summer, i learned to test myself. To keep your mind sharp, keep in good physical shape, to be able to handle all the swings can be tough, and it got the best of me last time. But this time, i have a ton of books (ive bought, and some that people have donated or given me as gifts), i know kind of what to expect as far as schedules go, and understand the importance of being on your toes and active as much as possible. I'm up for the challenge...i welcome the opportunity to do this.
going to practice in a bit. then hangin with my girl. lata. --jh--